Timing is Everything - Today's Daily OM

August 19, 2010

Embracing Grief

Grief is Important

Giving ourselves permission to be with sadness actually creates space for us to begin the healing process.


Change is something that happens each and every moment in our lives. Since nothing is constant, it may sometimes seem as if we are losing something whenever things do change. Understanding that this is part of our daily existence and that there will not only be gains but also losses in our lives can help us more readily accept and deal with whatever happens.


Whenever we lose something or somebody we love, it is important for us to take time out for ourselves and truly feel the weight of what we are experiencing. Although it may seem that doing so will push us into a deeper state of sadness, truly giving ourselves permission to be with whatever arises actually creates space for us to begin the healing process. This is because the act of grieving is a natural process, allowing us to sort through the range of emotions that are present in our everyday existence. Even though it may sometimes seem easier to involve ourselves in activities that take our minds off of our sadness, this will only make the route to healing more difficult. Unless we listen to where we are in the moment, the emotions we experience will only grow in intensity, and our feelings will manifest themselves in more powerful and less comfortable ways. Once we consciously acknowledge that these emotions are present, however, we are more able to soothe the sorrow of the moment. In so doing, we become more open to our natural ability to heal ourselves.


Grieving doesn’t have to be a process that keeps us rooted in our thoughts of fear and sadness. For the moment we might feel despondent, but by expressing and coping with our true feelings, we face the sadness head-on. When we allow ourselves to accept and deal with our loss fully, we will then be able to continue our life’s journey with a much more positive and accepting outlook. This will make it easier for us to see that our grief is ephemeral and, just like our moments of happiness, it will also come to pass.

Our Last Day Together

A year ago today my life stopped.  A siginificant part, that is, when Suzy left me forever.  It was a gray day much like today. 

I hired a student helper to dig her grave and go with us to the vet's for our final farewell.  She had difficulty walking on her own, stopped eating and wasn't even drinking water, now.  I waited as long as I could.  Death was imminent.  We both knew.  We both grieved.  We both died inside.

When you lose someone you're extremely close to, it is a death on both sides.  For, so much of the closeness and joy you shared, with that Being, will cease.  Life is hard enough on its own current, but add the loss of a meaningful relationship, and you're shipwrecked, washed ashore, tumbling over the rapids---going down.

And, we did.  Suzy into the ground.  Me, into an abyss.  Our final hours were spent together walking, hugging, kissing, loving each other 'til the last second when I left her on a little rug in the exam room at our vet's office. 

Our eyes locked as I slowly backed out of the room, maintaining close contact every millimeter of the way out.  I'll never forget her gaze, telling me it was "okay" and that it was "time to say farewell."  For, it was only with her permission, and support, that I could've said farewell forever. 

She let me let her go.  It was the only way I could.  She's still with me in spirit and heart.  My mind travels to wherever she is, now, and visits her memory often.  Her grave sits right outside my window, in our backyard, where I go often to pay my respects and offer my love, even now.  And, forever.

Farwell, old friend.  You are gone, and I am with you. . farewell.
I'll love you forever.

The Night Before The End

In the hallway we lay

Side by side

Knowing each second

Was in line to be the last goodbye.

All night long we understood,

It would be our final farewell.

We huddled in the dark

And promised to tell

The story of our union,

The depth of our love,

The happy times and trying times

And inseperable bond we felt.

Although immobile

Her highness shone bright

A shining star, a meteor

A galaxy of beauty all right.

Even at death's door,

Her coat still thick and bright.

Her sweet face still youthful

Her spirit forever a sprite.

I can't let you go!

I held on tight

But her heavy sighs

Told me it was time all right.

This would be our last night together

After so many years.

All I could do was hold her

Dissolved in a flood of tears.

She told me to, "Buck up,

Hold on to the love we shared,

For, I will always be with you

In time immemorial, I'll care.

In the shadows of night

Or the silhouettes of day

I'll watch over you even tho' I'm gone

But never far away."

Winding Down the Darkest Path

A year ago, today, I knew the end was near.  Suzy could hardly walk and slept most of the time.  Although I helped, no, lifted her in and out of the house in her Royal Blue saddle sling, it took more effort on each of our parts than we had continual strength to bear.  We were both caving.


Suzy, physically.  Me, emotionally.  Darkness was looming at our door, and we both knew it.  Although we didn't know for sure the exact day it would occur, we knew it would be soon.  And, even though I took her to an accupuncturist, a masseuse, a water therapist and two other vets, nothing worked, anymore.  Her vital organs were shutting down. She was almost 14 years old times 7 or 98 in people years. 


How fast the time flew by.  Guess it always does when you're having fun, and I had nothing but good times whenever I was with Suzy.  Her lightness of being transfused any down or uncertain moods I might've had; her gaity, freshness and effervescent outlook on life constantly recharged my spirits.  Any sad memories of my divorce, loss of friends, family or other heart-aches were transformed by her halo of happiness.  For, Suzy could lift me out of the dolldrums faster and better than anyone in the world.


She was my fountain of youth, my shining star, my harbor of hope, my sweet elixir of delight each and every moment we were together.  She gave me strength when I felt weary, made me feel safe and protected at evey turn.  She bolstered my courage and made me feel like I mattered.  We were a team, a tandem of togetherness bar-none.


As the hours slipped away and the days grew shorter, I agonized over life without Suzy and felt bereft way before the final hours.  For, I knew her absence would be felt by every fiber of my being, and a big part of me didn't want to go on without her.  Yet, I knew I had to, that she would want me to, not only go on living, but be happy.  For she taught me that, in the end, only love is important.  Only that magic we come into the world knowing and, if we're lucky, leave feeling.


Held, cherished and embraced by and from Suzy, I will carry that feeling with me for as long as I live.  My finest teacher, Suzy taught me life-lessons that couldn't be learned from books.  Only through her sterling examples of trust, frienship and honesty did I come to respect the honor that was hers and recognize the beliefs and hope that she instilled in me. 


Two days before our final farewell, I was dying and she was living and, true to form, telling me, in her own way, to release her.  Even in her darkest hours she was able to illuminate  my path of struggles to let her go.  She taught me the meaning of life and, in the end, the meaning of death.  And, above all, the meaning of love. 

Love is a Two-Way Street

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”

I don't know who said this, but I agree wholeheartedly.  At least that was how it was for me and Suzy.  Her love boosted my spirits and confidence, my serenity and sense of "place" in the world.  She was everything to me and more.

Loving her gave me courage to do more things, get out and meet more people, travel, not be afraid to explore new pathways in life.  Her love bolstered my very sense of identity, it made me believe in myself more, my decisions and choices.  Suzy's love was everything to me and, without it, I feel empty and lost.

Nothing can replace her.  The bond we had was unlike any other.  Strong, resilient, forgiving, loyal.  Suzy taught me the meaning of these and other qualities.  She taught me to be a better person all the way around.  She taught me about true friendship, which is hard to find, and loyalty which is even harder to find.  In friends, family, people, places.  Suzy's intelligence surpassed any animal I've ever known or known since.  Her dedication to our home, family, and friendship unyielding and honest to the core.

One in a million.  It was my honor and privilege to have known her.  I shall never forget her.  I shall always believe in the power of our love, the strength of our union and the courage I gained from knowing her for almost 14 years.  Her gifts are indelible, her love cherished in my heart for eternity.

When I'm With You. . .

Some roads are rough and rocky

Some very narrow to get through

Traveling by roads,skies and seas

It always leads back to you

You are my beacon light

That shines through every storm

You are there by the fire

That keeps our house a home

You walk with me each day

Through happiness and pain

You are my sheltering umbrella

Whenever there is rain

No matter where I travel

Where ever in the world I roam

I have the inner knowledge

That I will never lose my way

Because all roads lead back to you

And the place we call our HOME...

The Long Way Home

My heart's in a fog

On the journey we've taken

Almost a year

Since I saw your precious face.

Darkness envelopes my soul

As you lie enshrouded

Both alone

Yet together.

I'll always remember

Happier Days

When your silky fur

Soothed my weary soul.

Your dancing eyes

Watched o'er me

Ever the Mama

Always the friend.

You and I forever together

'Til the end.